Pictured: My sunburned, sweaty, exhausted, she tried so hard- butt. At the end of this misery.
I didn't want to talk about this here. I didn't want to fail and have everyone know I failed.
I have tried to love this body the way it is. I want to accept the outside too. Then I realized the only way I'm going to love myself- is if I'm a self I can love. I'd look at old photos and feel so terrible.
So I made a plan and started the plan.
Day 3 of the plan.
I saw a free "parent/child" yoga class and I thought this would be a fun way to incorporate fitness and bonding time together. So, I made the plan so Kail and I could do yoga together!! I had already worked out that day. I'd been walking everywhere. My legs were sore from the day before. Now I was going to work out AGAIN?!?! Well wait, this is like a parent child class- it's like yoga lite, baby yoga, tea-cup yoga. I can do this. I failed to realize it was a "Buti Yoga" class was. (This was a Buti-lite class for all levels. I don't want to imagine what "Buti-heavy" is.)
We get there. My sister had planned on coming, I thought "Hey, someone I know will be there. I'll be fine." We get there. I stand around awkwardly, anxiety building. "I don't want to do this. I don't know a single person here. I do yoga at home, where no can see me fail. I'm about to screw up IN FRONT of PEOPLE!!!" Kail is running around playing- I'm trying to keep him from being too roudy. I'm so far out of my comfort zone I should be on MARS.
My sister can't make it (no big deal) but now- I'm about to do this alone. I know not one soul here and I'm about look ridiculous. ADORABLE. The class starts.
Check it out- it's fun!
I have tried to love this body the way it is. I want to accept the outside too. Then I realized the only way I'm going to love myself- is if I'm a self I can love. I'd look at old photos and feel so terrible.
So I made a plan and started the plan.
Day 3 of the plan.
I saw a free "parent/child" yoga class and I thought this would be a fun way to incorporate fitness and bonding time together. So, I made the plan so Kail and I could do yoga together!! I had already worked out that day. I'd been walking everywhere. My legs were sore from the day before. Now I was going to work out AGAIN?!?! Well wait, this is like a parent child class- it's like yoga lite, baby yoga, tea-cup yoga. I can do this. I failed to realize it was a "Buti Yoga" class was. (This was a Buti-lite class for all levels. I don't want to imagine what "Buti-heavy" is.)
We get there. My sister had planned on coming, I thought "Hey, someone I know will be there. I'll be fine." We get there. I stand around awkwardly, anxiety building. "I don't want to do this. I don't know a single person here. I do yoga at home, where no can see me fail. I'm about to screw up IN FRONT of PEOPLE!!!" Kail is running around playing- I'm trying to keep him from being too roudy. I'm so far out of my comfort zone I should be on MARS.
My sister can't make it (no big deal) but now- I'm about to do this alone. I know not one soul here and I'm about look ridiculous. ADORABLE. The class starts.
Check it out- it's fun!
The instructor picked a really good playlist. She starts calling out the positions and actions. Ohhhhhh boy, okay- I can do this. I do my best to keep up. I have a few things I suck at. My overall poses are poor but DAMMIT- my butt is in this class and I'm giving it what I've got. I put my mat in the back corner, I wore all black, and I gave this everything I had.
Kail had a blast. He danced around, he loved the body paint and black light. The Drill Instructor (actually the instructor was really welcoming and nice but 30 mins into it- I just wanted to die) continued to call out poses and I thought my legs would fall off. Still, I pressed on, I may have screwed up forms, looked foolish, whatever. I was still trying.
I have HUGE social anxiety. This entire thing was not just a leap. This was miles. This was bounds. I am so uncomfortable with my body and how awkward I am. So I'm sitting in this class ( Not sitting. moving. horrible. continued. merciless moving) thinking- I didn't leave. I am pushing myself until the end of this. Eventually, I will buy a damn punch card and when I come I will be that much better. I won't look like I do right now, but I have to do this right now to get to that place. Keep moving Hannah. Keep moving. Let go of all that anxiety and fear and MOVE. I gave myself whatever motivation I could:
"I AM GOING TO BLOG ABOUT THIS!!!" Whatever works.
I did it. Something I have never done. I left there knowing I've done something that weeks ago I couldn't do. It's a small thing to so many, it was a HUGE deal to me. I kicked Day 3's ASS. I walked this morning, I burned those calories, I stuck to my diet! Then sore, tired, and scared, I went to a yoga class with the greatest 6 year old I know, and we did it.
I jokingly called it miserable- because I was scared and I wasn't good at it. However, I'm going back. My reward for completing 1 month of my 100 day challenge is I buy a punch card and I go to yoga. I can do this. I didn't give up today. I won today. That's the idea of this challenge. You just work on every single day. I'll get into more about it all soon.
All I want to tell you is DO IT. If you are afraid of how you'll look, how good at you will be- whatever- do it. Don't give up, don't stop, find a new experience and keep pushing on. It's worth it. In the end you get to celebrate!! You made it!
Kail had a blast. He danced around, he loved the body paint and black light. The Drill Instructor (actually the instructor was really welcoming and nice but 30 mins into it- I just wanted to die) continued to call out poses and I thought my legs would fall off. Still, I pressed on, I may have screwed up forms, looked foolish, whatever. I was still trying.
I have HUGE social anxiety. This entire thing was not just a leap. This was miles. This was bounds. I am so uncomfortable with my body and how awkward I am. So I'm sitting in this class ( Not sitting. moving. horrible. continued. merciless moving) thinking- I didn't leave. I am pushing myself until the end of this. Eventually, I will buy a damn punch card and when I come I will be that much better. I won't look like I do right now, but I have to do this right now to get to that place. Keep moving Hannah. Keep moving. Let go of all that anxiety and fear and MOVE. I gave myself whatever motivation I could:
"I AM GOING TO BLOG ABOUT THIS!!!" Whatever works.
I did it. Something I have never done. I left there knowing I've done something that weeks ago I couldn't do. It's a small thing to so many, it was a HUGE deal to me. I kicked Day 3's ASS. I walked this morning, I burned those calories, I stuck to my diet! Then sore, tired, and scared, I went to a yoga class with the greatest 6 year old I know, and we did it.
I jokingly called it miserable- because I was scared and I wasn't good at it. However, I'm going back. My reward for completing 1 month of my 100 day challenge is I buy a punch card and I go to yoga. I can do this. I didn't give up today. I won today. That's the idea of this challenge. You just work on every single day. I'll get into more about it all soon.
All I want to tell you is DO IT. If you are afraid of how you'll look, how good at you will be- whatever- do it. Don't give up, don't stop, find a new experience and keep pushing on. It's worth it. In the end you get to celebrate!! You made it!
If you're reading from my neck of the woods and you want to check out the yoga studio I went to here's a link! It was a great studio and I think we'll be going back!! Have fun yogis!
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