You're kids are NOT there to love you.
It's not their job. They will- because of who they are- but their job is to grow up. Not be there for you.
I see posts like "Little Timmy saw Mommy a crying mess and went to comfort me. He's the only man I need!"
That's sick. Tough love baby-cakes. You shouldn't "need" your child emotionally. They need you.
The burden of love, comfort, and affection is not one our kids should bear. We don't have children to fill a void of love in our lives. We don't have children to be the only people to unconditionally love us. We don't have children to fulfill our needs. That's not their job.
If your child sees you having a meltdown, don't look to them to be your emotional support system. They're kids. Children, most especially young children- look at their parents as basically God. Stay with me. There is an absolute trust that you -the adult- know what you're doing, you make the rules, you know right from wrong, you brought them into the world, you are the ruler of their little world. So, if suddenly God looks at you, freaking out, and expects you to fix them? That's breeding some insecurity. It puts some cracks in that world. It puts a burden on children that they shouldn't have for their parents.
My kids have seen me upset. What I have done is this:
1) Name my feelings to show them how: "Mommy is sad right now."
2) Establish empathy and a point of relation: "Remember when you had an ouchie and you cried? or some other age appropriate example"
3) Establish that things are still okay: "We all get big feelings sometimes, even Mommies and Daddies- it's still okay though. It's always going to be okay. Even grown ups get feelings."
4) Live by Example- Show them how to cope: "I feel better now that I talked to (insert appropriate adult here). I needed to have a moment. *Deep breath* How do you feel? Do you have any feelings to share? Why don't we go do (insert next activity). "
I also add prayer to this as well. I tell my kids that I can talk to God about my feelings too. That God is so big, he can take care of even Mommy and Daddy. This isn't for everyone- but it's something we do in our home. It's how I have brought my faith to my children and shared it with them.
I live in a small 3 bedroom apartment. My kids are inevitably going to see me in a state other than Stepford perfect. That's reality. I don't however, want my kids to feed off that and develop anxiety or an insecurity. This is home. It's a safe place. It's our sanctuary.
That means- it's a safe place for us to have feelings too but not where we're putting burdens on the littlest members.
Growing up, I saw my parents have strong emotions. I didn't often see them cope through them or resolve them. It's been big with me for my kids to show them how to get through it. If they see their Dad and I argue- they see us apologize and that we've talked it out. If they see us have strong emotions- we assure them that things are okay- that grown ups get feelings- but those feelings are not the end of the world.
We're not perfect. When I'm in the middle of huge stress, I can't put on my Mommy voice and be Mary Poppins. I go, to my own space, calm down, and then go to my kids. My kids have seen their Mommy cry. They also know that sometimes even grown ups hurt- but that it's okay. I don't tell the boys not to cry, their Dad doesn't either. Everyone has a right to be emotional, appropriately and if we're struggling with the appropriate part- we go to our safe place (bedroom).
One of my biggest goals as a Mom has been to raise kids who can emotionally cope, understand their feelings, not be afraid of them, and be able to conquer them. I struggled with this. I was the "sensitive" girl.
They called me "sensitive" the same way you'd call someone a "moron". I didn't have my tools to self calm as a kid. I had to learn later.
I don't want my littles to have the struggle of figuring it all out later. I'm trying to show them now.
If you're looking at your kids to fill an emotional void in your life. Talk to someone. I promise you it isn't cute, it isn't healthy, and it's not good for your babies. You aren't required to be strong every minute, but they aren't required to fix your emotional "ouchies." They can't- their too little for that.
Be well.