Ever felt- insecure as a Mom? When you see lots of Moms who found time to be thin, put on an outfit, do their hair, and just be "on". When your having a carb day (or in my case carb year) in your sweat pants with your hair up? I've been there. Picking up K from school and I'm in my elastic waist yoga pants with my no make- up messy bun...ohh yeah super cute. Even the Mom in work scrubs looked better than me.
It's hard not to be hard on yourself. I wasn't a super "put together" person before I had kids- finding the time or the energy now that I've got them-HA! It's a little miraculous, a lot of the time I don't even want to look in the mirror.
Seeing pictures before I had my kids, 70 pounds thinner- with a lot more time and less dark circles. That gets rough too. It's easy to fall prey to not only comparing ourselves to the more "put together perfect" Moms, but to the image of who we were before kids were in the picture. Ouch.
I have to remind myself even the "perfect Moms", still have their struggles, still have their insecurities, and probably just like me- fall prey to comparing themselves to someone else. It can be hard to see that though when we feel the contrast staring us in the face. The things is, we all have our stuff. We all have our "Mac and Cheese Mom" moments and even the Mom who's put together all the time- has a different stress and struggle. We've all got them.
I'm not coming down on any Moms who budget time to look nice, exercise, and be organized. That's wonderful- you ROCK! I'm just hoping to encourage the Moms who like me- have those times of insecurity. Who are running around in their yoga pants, baby weight, and might be a touch less "together" today. We're all in the middle of it, we're all doing it as we can. We have to celebrate our strengths together. Yes, I might not have my hair and make-up done but I have other strengths that make me great. Sometimes though, we all get down on ourselves and hey, sometimes, as great as all my other qualities are- I'd still like to be thin. Just know you aren't alone and that you're still radiating the beauty of motherhood. Even when you don't feel like it.
A friend posted this video to my facebook timeline. I really loved it. I can't find the Youtube link to post the video here but I will put in a button so you get to the link.
It's all about how as Moms we all do things differently. I know I've talked about this before. There are certain issues as a Mom I get impassioned about. However, I still believe there needs to be mutual respect for different views and different parenting styles. I think for most parents the bottom line is that we want to do what we feel is best for our kids. The important thing is getting back to the fact that we are all going to do things the way we feel best. It might be different, but we're all parents.
Hey! I do have some blogs in the works right now. For some reason I'm struggling with the words. A few are on issues that I'm passionate about- and I want to do them justice. There's still a part of me that worries too much about offending people. I'm continually reminded to "stick to my guns". As much as this is a fluffy blog about all the things I do with my kids and our lives, I still have opinions on things I can't hide.
So, I didn't drop off the face of the earth again- and though I've been sick and very busy- I have been writing. I'm just struggling with making sure I'm executing my point. So bear with me as I continue to edit and perfect things.
In the mean time I'm also juggling how instantly busy we've become all of a sudden. I feel like I'm trying to juggle more jars of bees here than I ever have had to and so help me if I drop a jar...
Lots coming soon! Thanks everyone!
The 5 stages putting your child to sleep.
"They won't really make me go to sleep. I'm going to play over here longer. They don't really MEAN 'nigh nigh'. They won't follow through, I got this."
"NO NO NO NO!!!! You can't do this to me!! I am AWAKE! NO! NOT SLEEPING!"
"Just, just give me another sippy and let me play with my feet and I'll stay in bed all quiet. No need to get extreme here with this sleeping thing, here let me poke you in the nose. See how cute that was, you don't want to miss this- do you?"
" I just- I just I can't believe this is happening. *tears* I just want to play. You have stopped my entire world and for what?? Everything has ceased- all I wanted was to play and laugh... is it too much ask to laugh mom?!"
"Okay maybe he just isn't going to nap today. Maybe we're just too roudy, maybe he needs to play a few more minutes just to get the rest of the giggles out."
"Joshua, I'm not telling you again- Lay down. Oh my gosh, okay deep breath- Joshua- LAY DOWN."
"Okay, you may have half a sippy and we're done. Look I'll cuddle you, we'll watch a movie. Come on- lay next to me. Don't you like Toy Story?"
"This will never end."
Now blessedly nap time is not always battle, however there are those days when it is hard. This is for those days and the reminder that with persistence your child will sleep- eventually.
your child will sleep... eventually!
(Due to unknown formatting error, the original last half of that sentence is not appearing to have published- and then sometimes it is. Since, I can't tell which will stick- it's in there twice. Sorry about that).
" To live is an awfully big adventure" -J M Barrie Peter Pan
Little heart don't grow up, stay with me a moment.
Little heart just be patient, you're not out on your own yet.
Little heart take your time, you're growing fast enough.
Little heart where you go, know you walk with love.
My Little Hearts are getting so big. K starts school tomorrow! I can't believe it and J is learning so many new things everyday. They were just little yesterday. You blink and they're hitting new milestones. I'm pretty sure this is every parent's bittersweet trial. The joy watching your children grow and achieve new things while still wanting to hold onto the "littleness" a touch longer!
I am so proud of those boys. I sometimes get annoyed when I see the: "I created the best most perfect child ever- oh look what I did and how amazingly perfect they are" schtick that I've seen sometimes on social media. I am however, so proud of both of the kids. They have achieved things because they are wonderful little beings. I think they are amazing, because they are themselves. While they certainly aren't perfect, they are full of life in such a pure way. Their smiles are so precious and their curious little minds are a wonder to watch. They are tender-hearted, stubborn, silly, joyful children. It is such a privilege to be there as they grow up.
However, I come to these "slipping through my fingers moments". Boy those get to me. They are still are in the middle of their big adventure. Everyday something new, everyday is still big to them, everyday is a chance for those smiles so full of life.
(Excuse- because I am totally crying right now)...
I remember holding J when he was about 3 months old and just crying because his newborn-ness was already fading away. That in blink of my eyes he wouldn't be that little baby anymore. It feels like just a few months ago K was 2 years old with those big, big eyes asking to cuddle between his Dad and I. I never dreamed it would go this fast and I am hugely relieved that there's still lots of childhood left. We have lots of adventures yet to go on.
That's what I'm going to hang onto tomorrow. There are so many more adventures for us. We have lots of milestones yet and as they grow and develop as people, I'm excited to see who they will become. Until then, however, I will be enjoying right now. Even the whining, even the tantrums, even the difficult moments: because the next time I blink- they'll be even bigger.
The title of this blog comes from my favorite Peggy Lee song "Black Coffee". The whole album is good but that is personally my favorite melancholy song. Give this video a listen, I believe it's her whole album, it's good.
I'm in a bummed mood. Today I found out I have gestational diabetes. Which, I know can be controlled with diet and exercise and doesn't have to be a big deal. I know that. However, it brings up some personal issues with me. So I'm kind of upset about it.
Honestly, quitting smoking was not that difficult. I get struck by the occasional craving but it wasn't a hard battle. I think a dietary adjustment may actually be somewhat harder for me. I'm not unfamiliar with the dietary restrictions, my Father has had diabetes most of my life. I've watched that battle and while the diabetes he has is different and affects him differently, certain things are the same. Compounded with my current health problems, it certainly makes this pregnancy harder.
I thankfully have gained very little weight this pregnancy, however sadly did not lose the baby weight I had gained with J. I'm resolved that I can do this, but I can't lie and say that it doesn't worry me and it really does bring up emotional issues. Couple that with pregnancy hormones and the tears are somewhat inevitable.
I am incredibly blessed with one heckofa husband. He immediately committed to doing the diet with me, exercising with me, and was there with so many hugs when I got upset reading about the risks to our daughter. Above all I want a healthy baby, so any restrictions I need to follow I will. Hopefully they will be temporary but I will do what I can to stay healthy.
More updates soon! Thanks all!
I love social media. I love getting to share my family and our pictures and stories with our friends and family. I love getting to see their families and their lives.
I hate social media. I hate that it an outlet for lies, drama, bullying, and bullcrap. I don't like to get involved in it. I keep my facebook strictly for communicating the positive things with the people I love. It is so very very hard, when there are blatant lies and horrible things being spread about someone I care about, not to want to step in.
I believe that offense is bad, even when I feel righteous about it and even when I'm defending a friend. It is so very easy to get sucked into the trap of chiming in. I want to sit there with my proof and my testimony that blows these lies out of the water and call "bullcrap". I want to say "YOU ARE WRONG!" I even typed out a very long comment with screenshots to illustrate my point and show they were very very wrong- it made it a full 3 mins before I deleted it. I didn't delete it because it was inaccurate and it wasn't even mean, I didn't name call- but I realize engaging in this would be feeding the monster.
I don't want to be just like them.
I have my character defamed and I've had lies and hurtful things put on social media about me. It really really sucked. It was a situation of a person who wanted to hurt me, lashing out in that hurt and using social media as the tool, and I couldn't defend myself. So I simply chose not to address it. I believed that the goodness of my character and my choices would have to stand out as proof enough.
It's hard though, when you see the unjustness against a friend. When suddenly people separate into camps and the hunting posse's form and are out for blood.
Here's the thing: unless we are directly parties involved, unless we are witnesses to the whole story- we can never really know. Even the people we trust have their own version of the truth through their bias and standpoint. While it may be an accurate truth, we will miss sometimes small but important details. So, we shouldn't make a judgement. We want too, it's easy too. We want to take someone's word for it. We want to use our history with the parties involved as further proof and "hey I don't like that guy so it MUST be true." This kind of thinking is bad.
We all screw up, we all have done things we aren't proud of, some of us have had the blessing of not being publicly humiliated by them. That doesn't make us guiltless stainless parties available for judgement. It hurts to be judged. We all hate it and yet it in these situations we are all so quick to do so. It's no good.
I promise, I'm as guilty as everyone else but I'm trying to be different. I'm trying to just be a voice of the positive and not feeding the monster of the cyber bully. Maybe you can too? No one claims to love the drama- but we do. So can we instead band together and say "Enough". No one likes this when it's directed at them. So can we work together not to cast the first stone?
Enter Several Hours later:
AUGH!! I did it. I should eat my words. I had such noble intentions when I wrote this, this morning. Such lofty goals of peace and grace. But my anger at the unjust drama rose up and I fed the bear.
I didn't name call or try and hurt anyone. That isn't my game but I did comment and part of me wishes I hadn't. I wanted to defend my friend, it hurt to see his character drug through the mud. It wanted to impartially defend him but life is never that clear. I tried to keep my outside knowledge of the people, my personal bias, and my own opinions of the parties out of it and state what is a matter of public record. However, I still engaged in the fiasco and I'm a little disappointed in myself that I did.
I stand by the things I say and I'm not a person out to get into drama or promote more hatred. I hope the parties involved in that incident can sort out the issues outside the realm of public opinion. In the court of public opinion often nobody wins and the consequences will keep reeling for a long time.
I'm not a liar, I admit when I'm not living up to the standard I wish. So yeah, this morning, I had every intention of remaining silent and doing my best not to feed the monster- but I commented. I still believe what I believe but I'm also not perfect. So I hope you can have grace with me. Wouldn't the world be a little better if we all did?
Next time guys. I'll do better.
Thanks for reading.
I know I haven't posted in a while friends! Thank you for all the views and readers in the mean time! I'm always flabbergasted seeing how many of you are still reading here and I so appreciate it!!
Lately my life has been surrounding doctors appointments for J! Little (now officially 2 year old) J has been battling a series of rashes and reactions for the better part of the past 3 weeks, culminating to a very difficult past 2 weeks. He's been miserable. The scary part was that at one point we had 3 separate Pedi's at the same time examining him and they had no idea what was going on. No diagnosis, no suggestions, nothing. As a parent, when 3 doctors flat out tell you "Sorry, we have no idea what this is but we want him seen by a specialist ASAP", is somewhat terrifying.
When I originally took him in for this, I was told "He has hives and contact dermatitis on his leg. It will clear up on it's own." When it didn't and got far worse it became "I have no idea, let's ask these other doctors- nope they've got nothing either." Frustrating and scary and of course everyone you know has a theory and a remedy, which while always appreciated can sometimes add to the daunting feeling of "This could be anything".
So, we were told to start looking at insect bites. Then it became the panic of "My God, we might have bed bugs!!!" That was an extra stressful and terrifying two days/nights. Finally, I was able to get an exterminator to come through, thankfully no bed bugs- the relief was huge. What he did confirm for us was no bed bugs- but we have SPIDERS!! Thankfully spiders are somewhat easier to get rid of than bed bugs (which, if you've ever been cursed with, my heart immediately goes out to you. The extermination costs alone were astronomical and even with that you still have all the labor intensive cleaning. It's daunting and I'm so happy we didn't end up needing to go through that). However this experience has left me a little bug paranoid now, as though an infestation is right around the corner- regardless of how much I clean. Eventually, I'll let that go- or at least I hope so.
We cleared the Spiders out and took preventative steps and YAY no more bites. However, the bites J has sustained in the mean time had made his rash several times worse and far more wide spread. Several trips to the doctor and the specialist later: he is "hypo-allergic" to spider and insect bites. We were praised for our efforts at home and given some prescriptions to help his healing along. While he's still battling discomfort, things are finally starting to clear.
Gabriel and Micah:
Seeing my "baby" go through such discomfort and not being able to help him was hard. It's difficult to watch our children be ill but our issue was still minor. I didn't have the worry of "what will happen to my child?" It's why I can't even imagine how the family of little Gabriel and Micah must feel. Ours was a temporary discomfort, no life-threatening battle, I can't imagine the heartbreak of a chronic and terrifying illness in your children.
The Unicorn has been a favorite place of mine for a while. It's been run by a wonderful family with hearts so big. Recently they said their final"Goodbye" and they closed their doors. This is because this awesome family puts family first. Little 17 month old Gabriel and 7 week old Micah are battling Glycerol Kinase Deficiency a rare genetic disease. I'm sharing this here because if you live in my area- there will be a benefit for these sweethearts in October. So please mark your calendars (information below). If you're one of my readers from far and wide- you can still donate to their family if you feel so moved. If you can't donate, you can educate. If you click their "Go Fund Me" link you can share their story on your facebook and help spread the word for this family.
My family has been blessed by theirs, they are truly wonderful and caring people. They have the prayers of my family and our support. I can't imagine watching my children go through an illness like this one, where things can go from stable to critical in minutes.
Here is a link to their GoFundMe page: as of now only at 200 dollars, and here is their information regarding the benefit.
Thank you for reading! More updates coming soon!
All my crazy ramblings!