Alcohlics tend to lack empathy for others, and I am the daughter of an alcoholic. My relationship with my father has never been the relationship I've desired. At times, it was distant because I wished to guard my heart, other times I was pushed away.
As a parent as well as an adult child, perspectives change. Unfortunately, for me, that doesn't change the reality of our relationship. I've had to come to grips with the fact that my Dad, is self-diluted and is a liar. So, I cannot reason with denial. He judges others, without looking first at himself. This, has caused some recent problems. Painful ones.
As a child, you have expectations of your parents. You love them, you expect a similar love from them. I thought, that after tumultuous teen years and then the start of my own family, that I would be over and past issues with my Dad. I was in denial myself.
However, that change of perspective hits again. I deeply love my children. They will as they grow, do things I don't like. How will I react? I hope, I've learned from my Father, the way not too. However, I've also learned, that while I need him to accept my imperfections, I need to accept his.
As I am currently, sitting in my hurts and wounds, it's hard. There were shaming, inappropriate, some may say unforgiveable, things said. Yet, somehow in the past, I've managed to forgive them. I wrote this. This is my response to all my woundedness. Lately, I've gone through a lot of it on many counts. I found myself grasping at a way to cope with that hurt. I still struggle through the anger but I remind myself of this when I do. This note- is a part of that coping.
Love bears all things. Love does not enable bad behavior, it responds with wisdom, forgiveness, courage, and consequences. Love is not quick to anger, love does not ignore a problem.
Love is empathy it is not judgment. Love is strength with willingness to endure. it does not count past wrongs with present mistakes, but equally, does not dismiss patterns. Love, helps you overcome your brokenness.
Love means accepting the good and bad, and moving through them both. Love means you don't quit. Love also knows when to let go. :Love is open arms to those who've hurt you. Love is from a distance when repentance isn't there.
Love is support for your mistakes. Love is not condemning. Love is not an excuse. Love is not a simple feeling. Love is more, it's doing through the pain. Love is not arrogant. Love does not care about it's image. Love does not save face.
Love is an act- a commitment. Always.