Blog Archives

I have no idea how to talk about this

1/28/2015

Waiting...
I at first wasn't going to talk about this here. I didn't want people to know and since I don't know anything for sure, felt it would be weird to talk about. I'd been having health issues after Ellie was born but they had been going on for much longer than that. At a routine appointment for my arthritis and fibro my doctor was going over symptoms with me. I said something and he just stopped. He informed me that when we finished this appointment I would need to go upstairs and speak with my GP's nurse who had been monitoring this issue.
     Upstairs I go. Waiting. The nurse sits down with me in an exam room and talks to me for a few moments. We discussed what had been going on and she went in to check my chart. Suddenly, I'm needing to be stay and be see right now. I got sent down for blood work and I'm waiting to see my doctor. I've seen my GP since I was 2. He's a "suck it up you're fine" kind of fellow and even though he isn't always my favorite doctor, he knows my medical history and family history so well it would be weird to change. He reviews my blood work and does a physical exam and we went from "You're fine" to "we need to have biopsy's done, a colonoscopy, and more blood work". HUH? Then he tells me how he's sending me to a surgeon because they'll get me in faster and while he hopes this is something simple and small, he can no longer rule that out and this could be something serious. WUT? Like what? Like how serious? Well, some of the medications I take put me at risk for a GI bleed, then there's colitus, or colon cancer. I have symptoms that fall in those categories. He's telling me it could be something simple like an ulcer in my intestines or something scary- like cancer.
       I was pretty much able to blow this off until I went over and talked with my Mom. Who's been alarmed about this for a little while now. I don't do well when my Mom's scared, it makes me scared. So, it's been I don't know, a week. Waiting.
        In the middle of all this waiting, my arthritis is giving me hell, I have to have my wisdom tooth pulled because it's killing me, and the symptoms like horrid abdominal pain and other issues, haven't gone away. Waiting. I don't know how to talk about this.
        I told the people I'm closest to. My Mom, my husband, my best friend, and my sisters. It still freaked me out. It took me a little bit to even tell Kai everything and then I had to repeat it to my Mom. Words like biopsy had me freaked. Abnormal blood work (though thankfully only slightly abnormal not grossly way crazy abnormal- I got to see my lab results). Have to do a colonoscopy (UGH!). Things like "we know it's not an infection". Processing all of that- sucks. Waiting. Sometimes I'm fine. Sometimes I'm really not. There are days I can have fun and be on and I can just push past the pain and issues, I have fibro and arthritis this is stuff I'm familiar with. The bad days really suck though. The waiting makes those bad days scarier.
   I repeat to myself all the time "I'm healthy, I'm great. I'm doing just fine." I play with the kids, I hold my daughter, I kiss my husband. This could be nothing but an easy fix, a stupid problem, hell maybe even an embarrassing one. I'll take that but right now I'm worried. I'm sitting on this and most days I just repeat that I'm healthy and move on but the waiting coupled with these issues- can make for moments when I'm legitimately scared.

    So I can talk about this here? Can I just put this here and leave it. I'm carrying it around and it's getting a little heavy. I just want to put this here and leave it. I can't fix it today. Today, all I can do is be a Mom- go to work- and follow through with my day. I won't know more yet. So, I just need to leave this here. Leave it here and let it go.

1 Comment

Juggling Jar's of bees

1/6/2015

0 Comments

I read this post (see link below) and it was great encouragement. It reminded me of how I feel Motherhood is at times. "Juggling Jars full of bees while conducting and orchestra". It's hard, it's busy, it's exhausting; no matter how many kids you've got.

There are times of discouragement, days where you just want a minute to yourself. I have an insanely supportive husband so I'm really blessed that he gives me time whenever I need it. Still, he just began a new job and we are entering a time where things are going to be even more crazy.

Even in that crazy, this is a blessed time. There is so much learning, sweetness, growth, and fun all bundled into that energy, mischief, and bounce. I'm loving watching the kids grow but this time of toddlerhood is special. I think it's one of the harder times. Josh can get very sassy and very much likes 'his way'. He's pretty willful. Kail wasn't like that. Kail was a mischievous little scamp but he wasn't as much with temper tantrums.

I recall when Kail was about 3, he went sneaking into the bathroom, stole the baby powder and covered his entire room with it. It was EVERYWHERE! I look back on that and laugh now (now).
I loved how facinated he was when we got him special colors for his bathtub. Josh is fiesty. I love to hear him talk and watch his little mind work. One of his favorite Mommy Joshie activities is sitting on my bed which is level with the window and looking outside and talking about all that we see below. He however is still pretty willfully disobedient, Kai and I are trying to find what technique will be most effective and at times it takes so much patience.

We all goes through these times. The highs and lows of parenting. The moments we want to sit in forever and the ones where we wish would just end! It's hard to keep your cool when your kid in throwing and all and out fit and you need to say "no" and stay calm. When he's getting into the refrigerator and you're in the middle of poopy diaper and the phone is ringing and the laundry is waiting and the dishes are calling and somebody's hungry and there just doesn't feel like there's enough of you to go around. Sit for a second and remind yourself that you're doing it.

You'll get through to the next step. You're doing it, you're handling it, every single day. Sometimes you're changing sheets four times because you're in a house full of sick kids. Sometimes you're basking in warm snuggles and wet kisses. Other times there are little feet in your back and someone's wet the bed.

It's not glamorous. It's often thankless. It's every. single. day. There's beauty and pride and chaos all wrapped up in it. I know so many new Moms right now. It's an adventure that always changes. It's seasons of time with your child. Know that you're going to make it through each one. Cherish even the crappy times because soon the season will pass. You can handle it. You can do it. You do it all the time. You're a mother every minute. It's tough, it is. I can promise though, that it's entirely worth it. You're doing great!

Dear Moms with littles blog:

0 Comments

How to piss off friends and alienate people:

1/3/2015

0 Comments

See: Talking about vaccination

   I love attachment parenting, I don't believe in forcing gender stereotypes, I love exposing my kids to culturally different things, and believe in my right as their parent to parent them as I choose. I believe their education is my responsibility first. I love essential oils and home remedies. I support home birth and natural life. As much as the neo-hippe crunchy Mom thing is cool to me, I wear a bra, buy crackers, and I also had my kids vaccinated.

The debate on vaccination gets heated and there's lot of "research" opportunities on the subject. *coughgooglecough* However when doing research for yourself here are some things to consider and understand:

   *Studies have shown: I hate this statement. It can be incredibly misleading. First, anyone can say that. Second, they need to show proof of the study. Third, they need to tell you clearly what kind of study it was.

    Clinical study or clinical trial: Clinical trials often involve healthy subjects with no pre-existing medical conditions but sometimes pertain to patients with specific health conditions who seek otherwise unavailable treatments. In early phases, participants are healthy volunteers who receive financial incentives. During dosing periods, study subjects typically remain under supervision for one to 40 nights.

      Observational Study: In epidemiology and statistics, an observational study draws inferences about the possible effect of a treatment on subjects, where the assignment of subjects into a treated group versus a control group is outside the control of the investigator This is in contrast with experiments, such as randomized controlled trials, where each subject is randomly assigned to a treated group or a control group.

     Experiment: An experiment is an orderly procedure carried out with the goal of verifying, refuting, or establishing the validity of a hypothesis. Controlled experiments provide insight into cause-and-effect by demonstrating what outcome occurs when a particular factor is manipulated. Controlled experiments vary greatly in their goal and scale, but always rely on repeatable procedure and logical analysis of the results. There also exist natural experimental studies.

     Case Study: In the social sciences and life sciences, a case study (or case report) is a research method involving a detailed investigation of a single individual or a single organized group, used extensively in clinical psychology and also, though less often, in other branches of the discipline. Case studies may be prospective (in which criteria are established and cases fitting the criteria are included as they become available) or retrospective (in which criteria are established for selecting cases from historical records for inclusion in the study). Also on Case report: In medicine, a case report is a detailed report of the symptoms, signs, diagnosis, treatment, and follow-up of an individual patient. Case reports may contain a demographic profile of the patient, but usually describe an unusual or novel occurrence. Some case reports also contain a literature review of other reported cases.

    Pilot Experiment: A pilot study, pilot project or pilot experiment is a small scale preliminary study conducted in order to evaluate feasibility, time, cost, adverse events, and effect size (statistical variability) in an attempt to predict an appropriate sample size and improve upon the study design prior to performance of a full-scale research project. Pilot studies, therefore, may not be appropriate for case studies.

When doing research on anything about your child's health understanding these terms is critical. Any Tom, Dick, or Harry can tell you "studies say this" and even provide you with a weblink to the study. But if it was an conducted in a way that drew a correlated leap based on an inference that may not be fact, then the study is not reputable the same way a case study or clinical trial may be. Also, you need to make sure that the people involved in conducting the study are doing so ethically. See Wakefeild. Somethings you can't tell immediately but if you look for things that have been scrutinized heavily, you're going to have better luck.

   ALL OF THIS IS BORING!!! Umm, yes. It is. Fact checking and finding out information is not as simple as the "google search blog said so", "I read the terrifying ingredient list and I KNOW those are harmful chemicals! Look at their scary names!!" This is the less passionate but necessary part that many people skip. Yes, that was condescending of me to make light of how I feel people react when reading things from the anti-vax movement. What you should also understand is that I reacted: EXACTLY like that. I read the ingredient list, I heard about thermisol, I read the accounts from parents. It was terrifying. You have to peel that away.
     I decided if I was going to make this choice I needed to read both sides of the argument. I then looked at pro-vax and anti-vax information. I looked where they came from and I decided what I felt I could trust. Here's one link below:

American Academy of Pediatrics

I know some of you don't trust America. How about Norway? I freaking love Norway. Did you know the Norwegian Institute of Public Health recommends vaccines? Here's a link to their schedule, this site has TONS of info and articles for you to check out. You can see their statistics for vaccination and you can even check out bunches of individual studies and information. It's a great resource.

Norway: Vaccination Schedule

Vaccine articles: Norway

Wait, there's more.

    Anecdotal evidence: The expression anecdotal evidence refers to evidence from anecdotes. Because of the small sample, there is a larger chance that it may be unreliable due to cherry-picked or otherwise non-representative samples of typical cases.Anecdotal evidence is considered dubious support of a generalized claim; it is, however, perfectly acceptable for claims regarding a particular instance. Anecdotal evidence is no more than a type description (i.e., short narrative), and is often confused in discussions with its weight, or other considerations, as to the purpose(s) for which it is used. This is true regardless of the veracity of individual claims.

The term is often used in contrast to scientific evidence, such as evidence-based medicine, which are types of formal accounts. Some anecdotal evidence does not qualify as scientific evidence because its nature prevents it from being investigated using the scientific method. Misuse of anecdotal evidence is an informal fallacy and is sometimes referred to as the "person who" fallacy ("I know a person who..."; "I know of a case where..." etc. Compare with hasty generalization). Anecdotal evidence is not necessarily representative of a "typical" experience; in fact, human cognitive biases such as confirmation bias mean that exceptional or confirmatory anecdotes are much more likely to be remembered. Accurate determination of whether an anecdote is "typical" requires statistical evidence.

The term is sometimes used in a legal context to describe certain kinds of testimony.

WOW THAT WAS A LOT!
   Here's why this is also important to understand. Another part of the anti-vax movement is personal testimony from those who have had bad experiences and feel the cause is vaccination.
        You want to trust your friend (read: internet stranger).
        Something bad happens to your friend.
        They decide who they blame.
        They tell you about it.
        You empathize, you agree.
        Your friend is ethically intertwined with the issue.
        This makes it difficult for them to be impartial.
        Vaccines are bad. For everyone. .... wait what?

See, the personal testimony isn't necessarily untrue. When I tell someone the things that happen to me, I'm telling them how they happened as I saw it. My perception maybe wrong but it's truth to me. The correlation and cause I draw from my experiences are mine. It doesn't mean everyone should trust me or that everyone's experience will be akin to mine. This is why anecdotal evidence is dangerous when talking about the health of our kids.

       Wait there's more:
Correlation does not equate causation. For the love of GOD!

See how this is a problem? This is an issue that plays off the passions of parents that are wanting to protect their kids. The parents that I know who don't vaccinate, I believe do so because they believe they are protecting their children to the best of their ability.

Anti-vaxers aren't bad parents

It's because I believe that these parents are wanting what is best for their kids that I feel it's important to protect their right not to vaccinate. There are things I will want for my child and things I won't, as Mom I feel I should get to choose what those things are. So, even if I disagree with the choice, I believe in the right to make it. I just want to encourage parents to really understand the research they intend to do before they go a googling and making choices. That's my hope. I know this can come off condescending, I'm not trying to alienate anti-vaxers though.
I was just like that. I wanted to protect my children, I don't immediately trust the government and I want my children safe. I feel for the tactics of the anti-vax movement. It can sound so convincing and so easily play on my fear and empathy for others. However, when it boiled down to it, I didn't feel it held up. This is for every person to decide but I feel like these are things worth mentioning and discussing.

All definitions provided here were from Wikipedia other sources are found within the post. Image provided by reddit.com via google search.

0 Comments

I have no idea how to talk about this

Juggling Jar's of bees

How to piss off friends and alienate people:

Anti-vaxers aren't bad parents

Home Page:

Archives

Categories