I thought I'd give some teasers of the upcoming fun! Thanks for sticking with me!
Hey everyone! Between Easter festivities, being sick, Earth day activities, and another nasty bout of being sick. I haven't been blogging. I will have regular updates soon.
I thought I'd give some teasers of the upcoming fun! Thanks for sticking with me!
"Some women enter motherhood with a solid foundation, a strong sense of identity and a clear plan for raising their families. They have vision, roots, and a sense of family. Then there are those women who pull into the hospital labor room with a U-haul full of emotional baggage that has to be sorted with the diapers and bottles. I'm a card carrying member of the latter group." -Lori Lara "Finding Gifts In My Story"
I am also a card-carrying member of that group. When I read Lori's article in "Hello, Darling ~ This is Motherhood~" I felt like someone was finally talking about someone I could relate to. The imperfect Mother.
There is so much pressure to be "super mom" that the issues and pain that arise for mothers in any point of parenthood are swept away. Now, I don't believe that the idea of not striving be the best for your children should become and excuse for neglect and I have seen it used that way. No, I'm talking to Moms who want to give it their all but feel the real struggle of being "less than super mommy". Where do you go when the walls are closing in- why isn't it safe to admit "I'm struggling with this?"
There's this unspoken competition I've seen in social media, "Who's really the better Mommy?" It's exhausting and everyone's standard is different and no matter where you fall there's someone waiting to judge you. I know Mother's who have had DHS remove their children but are on social media as if nothing is wrong. (To other's credit I've seen Mother's in the same position admit they were wrong to the world and try their best to get their children back). There is so much shame associated to "parenting the right way" that we deposit a vast amount of shame to things we shouldn't. By things we shouldn't I mean that when a Mom is struggling with being overwhelmed- they can become afraid to admit it for fear of being judged as harshly as a parent who has grossly neglected their child.
Again, I don't condone neglect or abusing children and I really dislike seeing "Well, I don't need to be a super mom" as an excuse for these actions. By the same token, when a mother has a legitimate struggle there isn't an open away to discuss this. There's a huge fear of shame.
So to start, I will be honest and I say I am not a super mom. I can't be. There are days I am overwhelmed by things and it can be hard to move out of that funk. Those days I'm not engaged on a level I think I need to be. Thankfully, I have an amazing partner who steps in. Not everyone has that support. So what do you do?
I think that's it's really critical for women to come together and support other women. We can support each other during those times where we don't have the energy or emotional availability to be all we want to be. It starts with open conversation and ending the silent competition. It starts with allowing ourselves the grace not to be perfect. It's having the courage to accept help when we need it and letting go of shame we don't need.
No one is the "perfect parent" and I am guilty of side-eyeing parenting choices that I though "weren't right". I'm making a point now to not sit in judgment but be a voice that says "It's okay to struggle, we aren't going to be perfect parents".
This blog has been getting more and more views recently and I'm grateful. This week I broke my views and visitor records again! I couldn't believe it. I don't know who's out there reading but it means a lot to me.
This is still a baby blog that I am hoping to continue to improve. It's been a huge outlet for me and has helped me grow creatively and personally. I never imagined anyone would read this so to see it grow has been a huge blessing.
Thank you, to all who have read any of my posts. I really appreciate it. Thank you all for being a part of this with me it means more than you know. I hope as this blog grows to continue to learn new techniques to make even better posts but thank you for sticking with me during my emotional musings and cell phone photos. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!
I should start by saying I don't.
I am not one of those "I love being preggly" people. (In my best Lana Kane voice) "NOOOOOPPPPPEEE". Pregnancy exacerbates some of my health problems and it can be a really difficult time. A recent discussion somewhat changed my view though.
I have had the pleasure of getting to work with Jesuit Novice's as I share life at my job. This year one was staying in the home where I work. I was really blessed in some of our conversations. He really felt the importance of the sacred life that is beginning now and that got me thinking.
While I have always felt pregnancy is a sacred time, I haven't felt so in regards to myself. In regards to others, most assuredly but to me- I'm just waiting for it to be over. No sacred special miracles over here, just get me to the baby and possibly an epidural.
In our talking I realized I need to apply those sacred ideas to myself as well. That this is a time of so much potential. A new person and I am put in the specific unique place to be home where they form and grow. I will bring them to one of the most important days of their life- their birth! I am the place they find safety and calm especially in this new roaring storm that is the world. But it all begins now.
I'm not entering the sanctity of life debate with this, that's not the point. I know mother's that have tried and begged and charted and tempted and done treatments, suffered losses, miscarriages, and dashed hopes. To not value this time feels like a slap in the face to those women. If my pregnancy goes without complication in November I will have a healthy baby. That person is beginning now, their whole life- all they will be- I help begin that. How can this not be sacred? How can I not relish in this point. It's all innocence and beginnings and hope.
When I find myself saying "I just don't want to be pregnant anymore!!!!!" I will remember this. When I'm sick, achy, nauseated, and miserable. I'm going to remember that this is a sacred time. That this is to be cherished. This is my time to be enjoy the pregnancy with this child. To relish in that special closeness with this little one. That's why I love being pregnant. It's something kind of incredible.
I love getting to talk with my hubby about family stories. I listened often to my Grandfather tell them. Some I'd heard many times and still loved them, jokes, scandals, or endearing moments that make up the people who have gone before me.
In mourning my Grandfather I also mourn the loss of some of these great tales. As I don't want the details of them to be lost, I'm starting a family heritage book (or binder really) to collect these family gems for my children and grandchildren to enjoy. I hope to add to it as time goes on and to do one for my husband's side as well.
I think it's important to know where and who you come from. This is a part of makes our identity. These stories tell us of lives that shouldn't lose meaning in the generations. Great Aunt Mahala or Great Uncle Neal shouldn't be forgotten to those who never had the privilege to meet them. We should preserve this because it is sacred. Not all have the privilege of knowing their history, so it is something to be valued and not taken for granted.
These collections of stories I hope are added by future genreations as well. I hope someday stories about Grandma Hannah and Grandpa Kai are added to the book. This is project that will take me some time to create. I want to interview some family members to hear even more stories. To me this is written treasure, something that can live on. It may be silly to think on that now but when I think how if I only I could hear my Grandfather tell me stories again, I see the importance.
What would you tell future generations? What would you hope they remember? What stories did you cherish as a child? Have you ever though of writing them down? You never know how valuable they could be.
I'm still compiling stories- I'll post a picture of the finished product soon!
All my crazy ramblings!