TL:DR Being married does not guarantee happiness, it doesn't imply happiness, and apparent happiness in a marriage does not make your marriage good.
It’s a phrase “I’m happily married”. See the thing is- I struggle with happiness but I’m still married. There’s a man who loves me when I’m angry and horrifically depressed. Someone who looks me when my eyes are dark and my thoughts are black and I’m so far from “happily married” and knows even when I’m saying “leave me alone!!!!!” to wrap me up and love me anyway. That me pushing away is because I hate being vulnerable but he’s going to out stubborn my issues and love me through it.
This man, who’s not perfect. Who brings his own set of baggage and struggle to this union, who I love no matter what. No matter what scars of life he’s carrying that make things harder. That no matter how those scars make a moment tough, he’s still smart, kind, caring, witty, hard-working, and fantastic.
This marriage has been in trenches of worry where thoughts of giving up and getting out seem a lot easier than digging in. Where there is temptation to rip down the walls we’ve spent years building in frustrated pain. Life isn’t easy man. You go through it but see, I’m married.
It’s not always happy. Yet, somehow even on my worst days, where getting out of bed is a struggle- he’s going to make me laugh at least once. That no matter what comes into chip away at our family, brick by brick we’ll keep building. For us, our struggles have always been “not enough money” or outside stressors. It’s never been “I don’t love you enough or don’t support you enough”. That love there, is what keeps the ship sailing. It’s “boy howdy this situation is awful- but I love you and we’re going to get through it. Put your boots on.”
I have a marriage where my husband has never so much as called me a name. (I wish I could say the same but I’m not that great of a person, least of which when I’m angry). Still, it’s not always happy. Even in love- I’m not always happy with him. The ring on my finger didn’t dictate years of wedded bliss- good grief I have kids man!!!
I’m not “happily married”. I’m lovingly married. Which means it’s not always a happy affair. Love bears all things and while there are a few things that I’m not sure I could bear- thusly- no such lines have been near crossed. This is not to say it’s some horrible grin and bear it kind of thing, but there’s this illusion I see a lot that you should be “so happy together…” Blech. No. We’re in our 5th year of this, still pretty new but we’ve gone through some testing times. It’s not rainbows and someone who is going to embrace your bullshit. It's someone who's going to call you on it and love you through what that is.
I'm not happily married. I'm just married. I found my person. The guy who I'll be sticking with through hell or high water. He treats me insanely well, is a great and loving father, and is with me 100%. He's got my back come what may. I've got his. It's not always happy but it's reality.