Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death;
Song of Solomon- is full of some really great quotes. Anything from "I have found the one for whom my soul loves" to great breast commentary.
Ahh but to the point: Romance. Amore. Love.
Being that I'm only currently in my second year of marriage- I don't claim to be qualfied to dole out marital advice. I have however, learned a few things that have allowed my husband and I- to continue in our second year of marriage.
Romance and Intimacy are a huge part of that. It's a no brainer right? In theory? completely. In practice? Not so much. When you have two young children, jobs, demands, etc- romance and intimacy tend to fall by the way side. What my prince of a husband and I have learned- is that we can't let that happen.
As soon as we drop the romance, intimacy, and time with each other- instead of a yound married couple with children; we become two sex-deprived and frustrated parents existing in the same house.
It sucks. So, we made a promise to each other. To make a point to have that romance in our marriage. Romance lends well to other needed aspects to keep us going. Which is engaging each other in converstion not relating to "to do lists", "chores" "bitching" "children" etc. Time to talk about things we love, things we've learned, things that make us laugh. It reminds us that the other person is important- so are their thoughts and feelings. Watching the same tv show together is not engaging. Doesn't count. So, we decided to get a little less sleep and have a little more time together at the end of the night and it's brought that side of intimacy back.
A tool we've used throughout our marriage to challenge us is a marriage devotional. I really wasn't into it at first, cute little verse, cute little story, cute little questions- five minutes. This wasn't going to help us. Well, while I'm still not a fan of the cute little stories etc. The questions- were actually helpful. It gave us prompts- things to honestly ask each other that we may not have otherwise. It furthered the lines of communication that so often get railroaded in daily life.
Another tool (and admitedly my favorite) is ambiance. Creating a romantic setting. It sets a tone, a "mood" (I know cheesy but it's true) because it makes that moment more imporant. Marriage is not the end of sex, marriage should mean continued and better sex. If sex becomes completely routine and unexciting then somethings wrong. A friend of mine, a more matured lady now approaching her 60's told me that it only gets better. That she and her husband have better sex now, than years ago. My thoughts were "It get's better than this? Challenge accepted."
Example: Really rough week- things were piling up, we were stressed out. I hurt my arm and I hit my breaking point. "I've had enough!" I was down. My husband decided to take the day and turn it into something wonderful for me. He got votive candles and set out and lit 30 candles- got a bottle of wine and we were set. I come into our room and it's a place of relaxation. It's warm, it's beautiful, and I got to feel special. Needless to say- things went very well that evening. It didn't take a lot of time but created that aspect of romance.
Marriage is no excuse for apathy. This isn't profound advice I know (maybe when we've been married 50 years I'll have some of that). We have a long to way to go but from the day we got married- we commited to making this work. So, we had to start somewhere, we decided from the get go- we wanted to actively work on staying together- before " not staying together was ever considered. This is part of how we're doing that.
Got some good tips? You can let me know in our new contact box or on the "Live Enchanted" facebook page. See the home page for further info.