Our first day together:
Our First Outing:
The hardest thing I have ever done:
I have been a step parent for a little over two years so I can't start without saying I'm a newbie. My step son was 2 when I entered his life and he captured my heart very quickly. I love him and the tight rope that is being a part of a blended family can be difficult.
Regardless of whatever your situation, no matter how drama free it is or how difficult it can be: certain thoughts will always cross your mind. Regardless of custodial situation- it's never going to always be perfect.
For our personal situation, I feel blessed. It certainly isn't always sunny but we make it work. I network and talk to other step-parents and listen to their personal situations. I know that being a part of a blended family can be painful- for all parties.
It isn't always sunshine and roses.
That breaks my heart. I know it's hard not to seek validation from various places but I think it's a disservice or worse to seek from your step-child. I know the party line is "someday (he or she) will see that you're indeed the better parent". This is wrong.
Before I delve into that I want to preface the above statement with this: hoping and praying that your step-child will one day see the great love you have for them is different than the desire to be seen as the "better parent".
I know that parental alienation can be devastating, especially to the child and it is the hope of all on the receiving end; that eyes will finally open. Would not the best possible scenario be that instead of the realization, that the parent they love, is a hurtful manipulative liar: instead be a healing on both ends for the betterment of the child. In many case though- that may never be a reality. So you work with what you can.
I'm human, I get pissed off too.
However, what I see- is that I can not place the burden of this (regardless of his age or understanding) upon my Step son. I hope that he never ever knows the things I've found difficult. I hope he never knows any personal sacrifice I or his father made (aside from that of any other parent).
I hope, perhaps with great naivety, that he only sees the love all his parents had for him in his life. He did not choose this we did. Therefore the burdens that come to bear in that- belong to us.
what does that look like?
this is just as much for me: as it is to anyone else.
I understand precedent I'm setting here is impossible and it is. It's impossible because we are human and we feel. This is however, what I strive for. I strive not to let the difficult parts show through to my child. He may not be the child I bore, but he is a child I love fiercely and a child I claim.
To step-parents everywhere:
If you are sitting in the struggle and trying your best. I commend you. No person is perfect and all you can do is your best. It may never turn out the way you hope it will, but love, no matter how far, is felt. Don't give up.
There are some really bad step-parents out there. There are bad parents out there. They are not my target audience. They unequivocally suck.
No, this is directed that those who care deeply- and struggle with the pain that can come from blended family life. Stay strong. Love can conquer so much but love is never the easy road. It's important to acknowledge how you feel and vent it- to a safe party- but don't sit it in. Love let's it go. This comes from a person who struggles with letting it go. I struggle with it too. You love through it.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love bears all things, and endures all things." 1 corinthians 13:4-7
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I mean it all very candidly and very genuinely. I do not mean to offend because the personal struggle and hardships of each blended family are unique. I do hope to encourage you and to shed light to those who may struggle where I struggle. These are the true "Jar of Bees" moments, because it really is hard. Thank you reading this in it's rawness, because it is a piece of myself.