If they just listened to me...Ever find yourself saying that? I have this idea that the world world would be a far better place if everyone tripled or more their effort to properly communicate with one another. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done. I saw a quote once, "you must learn to communicate with people you don't like". That's the thick of it really. Its very difficult to communicate once you don't like someone (even if its only an temporary disagreement). No one wants to be the first to be understanding.
See, I'm a people pleaser. I prefer to be polite even to people I don't like. I've been accused to bring fake and I understand that but to me, even if I've dislike you, that isn't an excuse to be rude. To me, adulthood is learning to chi exist with people you dislike. I can still be confrontational but I will generally try to be understanding first. The danger for me, is allowing a person to cross a boundary in the name of keeping peace.
My husband us the opposite of me. He has no problem being direct or confrontational. While he does have a great deal of patience, he has no problem calling someone out. Usually though, he doesn't consider most conflict worth the time. So here is where we try to balance each other out. We've unconsciously done this for the whole of our relationship but are purposefully doing it now. He's trying to be more politely direct and I'm trying to be politely direct. Essentially finding that assertive balance.
My favorite philosopher do-gooder Jean Vanier comes up once again. He speaks on the importance of living simply. A big part of that is speaking simply. Being direct and assertive.Often I see "I'm blunt, a bitch, or honest" as an excuse to be hurtful. I also see "I'm just nice, polite, and good" as an excuse to avoid commutation. Both are equally bad, rudeness is ridiculous, adults need to communicate effectively. It alienates people when you're ride to them this then can problems with poor self identity, victim complexes, immaturity, poor relationships. Likewise, the opposite builds resentments, victim complexes, and further cycles bad communication. I've seen the "asshole who hates themself yell out "well I'm just an asshole" (or bitch). I've also seen "I don't know why people are so mean to me, poor poor me." Well, did you allow them the boundary to walk on you?
Now, truly sometimes people get angry and are jerks, and truly sometimes hurt is totally valid. Now, I have no degrees into the human condition and these problems can be much deeper than this but there's a few valid points here. Here's how it is, if we try to find a middle ground and have grace with each other when we screw it up... We might end up happier.
So, this is what I'm going to try, being more assertive. I think most people are already there, this is my struggle, this where in growing so its why in talking about it. If this challenges you, cool, you're not alone, it challenges me too. If it doesn't, come teach me your ways because I have a ways to go. Live happy friends!
See, I'm a people pleaser. I prefer to be polite even to people I don't like. I've been accused to bring fake and I understand that but to me, even if I've dislike you, that isn't an excuse to be rude. To me, adulthood is learning to chi exist with people you dislike. I can still be confrontational but I will generally try to be understanding first. The danger for me, is allowing a person to cross a boundary in the name of keeping peace.
My husband us the opposite of me. He has no problem being direct or confrontational. While he does have a great deal of patience, he has no problem calling someone out. Usually though, he doesn't consider most conflict worth the time. So here is where we try to balance each other out. We've unconsciously done this for the whole of our relationship but are purposefully doing it now. He's trying to be more politely direct and I'm trying to be politely direct. Essentially finding that assertive balance.
My favorite philosopher do-gooder Jean Vanier comes up once again. He speaks on the importance of living simply. A big part of that is speaking simply. Being direct and assertive.Often I see "I'm blunt, a bitch, or honest" as an excuse to be hurtful. I also see "I'm just nice, polite, and good" as an excuse to avoid commutation. Both are equally bad, rudeness is ridiculous, adults need to communicate effectively. It alienates people when you're ride to them this then can problems with poor self identity, victim complexes, immaturity, poor relationships. Likewise, the opposite builds resentments, victim complexes, and further cycles bad communication. I've seen the "asshole who hates themself yell out "well I'm just an asshole" (or bitch). I've also seen "I don't know why people are so mean to me, poor poor me." Well, did you allow them the boundary to walk on you?
Now, truly sometimes people get angry and are jerks, and truly sometimes hurt is totally valid. Now, I have no degrees into the human condition and these problems can be much deeper than this but there's a few valid points here. Here's how it is, if we try to find a middle ground and have grace with each other when we screw it up... We might end up happier.
So, this is what I'm going to try, being more assertive. I think most people are already there, this is my struggle, this where in growing so its why in talking about it. If this challenges you, cool, you're not alone, it challenges me too. If it doesn't, come teach me your ways because I have a ways to go. Live happy friends!