Nothing is wrong with tenderness.
Maybe you're not like me, maybe you were born with a thick skin and the ability to live unaffected by anything. If so, that's wonderful but not all of us were made that way.
I feel like in the move for empowerment, equality, female-badassery, we've lost the value in tenderness, sensitivity, and empathy. We hear how inconvenient it is to have "feelings" enough and we start to fuel a power movement that de-validates (yes probably one of my made up words, go with it) them.
This isn't right. See, you lose nothing by feeling anything, it can hurt but you come out stronger. It is the stuffing them down, pushing them aside, or pretending they don't exist; that is a weakness. There is power in tenderness. In allowing yourself to be affected by the world around you- you can create change, promote love, be human.
I'm a person who feels, that isn't a licence to fall a part. You can't function if you can't deal with how you feel. So I deal. However as a person who has been continually shushed and told "don't be so sensitive" I identify with the sentiment "that's crap." Perhaps: "you need to learn to control how you feel" would've been appropriate but my sensitivity is a gift. It is a helpful thing, it creates tenderness for people around me. That's something to be guarded- not shamed.
I see much judgement and condescension toward "feeling" yet so much of daily life is dictated exactly by how we feel. Being "tough", judgmental, or "hard", those are all driven by emotion- the difference is they leave you prison of yourself. Also, interestingly those same individuals are outraged when an innocent being is wronged- but without the power of empathy and tenderness- the outrage wouldn't exist.
There is nothing wrong with tenderness. There is nothing wrong with being "sensitive", there is nothing wrong with being affected. Anyone who claims they aren't affected by the stimulus around them is lying. They are simply better at hiding it than it others. Our world and the things in it are designed to affect us- you can't judge the standard what affects you and apply it to someone else. We are too different for that.
When it comes to human empowerment, I am on board. However the fact that I get pissed off, hurt, happy, or melancholy do not negate from my strength as a person. I promise I can be just badass- and still feel. If we start de-validate our feelings- we start to dehumanize each other. I hope you can see the obvious danger in that.
I'm a woman, so naturally I take this to the obvious female perspective. However this may be an even bigger issue for men. Where the vulnerability of feeling is often seen as an even bigger weakness. It's often joked about "You stuff those feelings right back where they belong", "Boys don't cry" etc etc.
If we can stop seeing it as a weakness, as a thing of shame, as something to hide- we could change so much. See, when men dehumanize each other and then dehumanize women- then get women to dehumanize women we perpetuate a cycle that lessens the value everyone. Then we start to wonder why society is in shambles and no one is polite, caring, or good to their neighbors any more. Granted there are many factors in a societal decline there is a basic human fact that if you remove the value of a person- things are going to go badly.
So, during the course of your day, month, year, lifetime- you're going to feel. You're going to be affected by the world around you. That song on the radio-reminding you of that person you lost. That person who hurt you when they spread a rumor. Seeing your child for the first time and a thousand little moments in between. You're going to be affected. All the time. So don't shame it, experience it. Live it and embrace it. Don't shame the next person for feeling, because every single person does.
Disclaimer:
**** To those who already have this all down pat- thank you for reading. To those who may have been challenged by this- thank you for reading. My goal isn't to make you offended or preach at you. Like everything else- I struggle with it equally. I stand with those challenged because I'm guilty of messing this up. However, because it challenged me- I wanted to share it. Thank you to all who've been reading along. It's much appreciated!
(hashtag) Happiness Project
Zooey Deschanel image by: www.lewallpaper.com Edited by me. Quote by Zooey Deschanel
I feel like in the move for empowerment, equality, female-badassery, we've lost the value in tenderness, sensitivity, and empathy. We hear how inconvenient it is to have "feelings" enough and we start to fuel a power movement that de-validates (yes probably one of my made up words, go with it) them.
This isn't right. See, you lose nothing by feeling anything, it can hurt but you come out stronger. It is the stuffing them down, pushing them aside, or pretending they don't exist; that is a weakness. There is power in tenderness. In allowing yourself to be affected by the world around you- you can create change, promote love, be human.
I'm a person who feels, that isn't a licence to fall a part. You can't function if you can't deal with how you feel. So I deal. However as a person who has been continually shushed and told "don't be so sensitive" I identify with the sentiment "that's crap." Perhaps: "you need to learn to control how you feel" would've been appropriate but my sensitivity is a gift. It is a helpful thing, it creates tenderness for people around me. That's something to be guarded- not shamed.
I see much judgement and condescension toward "feeling" yet so much of daily life is dictated exactly by how we feel. Being "tough", judgmental, or "hard", those are all driven by emotion- the difference is they leave you prison of yourself. Also, interestingly those same individuals are outraged when an innocent being is wronged- but without the power of empathy and tenderness- the outrage wouldn't exist.
There is nothing wrong with tenderness. There is nothing wrong with being "sensitive", there is nothing wrong with being affected. Anyone who claims they aren't affected by the stimulus around them is lying. They are simply better at hiding it than it others. Our world and the things in it are designed to affect us- you can't judge the standard what affects you and apply it to someone else. We are too different for that.
When it comes to human empowerment, I am on board. However the fact that I get pissed off, hurt, happy, or melancholy do not negate from my strength as a person. I promise I can be just badass- and still feel. If we start de-validate our feelings- we start to dehumanize each other. I hope you can see the obvious danger in that.
I'm a woman, so naturally I take this to the obvious female perspective. However this may be an even bigger issue for men. Where the vulnerability of feeling is often seen as an even bigger weakness. It's often joked about "You stuff those feelings right back where they belong", "Boys don't cry" etc etc.
If we can stop seeing it as a weakness, as a thing of shame, as something to hide- we could change so much. See, when men dehumanize each other and then dehumanize women- then get women to dehumanize women we perpetuate a cycle that lessens the value everyone. Then we start to wonder why society is in shambles and no one is polite, caring, or good to their neighbors any more. Granted there are many factors in a societal decline there is a basic human fact that if you remove the value of a person- things are going to go badly.
So, during the course of your day, month, year, lifetime- you're going to feel. You're going to be affected by the world around you. That song on the radio-reminding you of that person you lost. That person who hurt you when they spread a rumor. Seeing your child for the first time and a thousand little moments in between. You're going to be affected. All the time. So don't shame it, experience it. Live it and embrace it. Don't shame the next person for feeling, because every single person does.
Disclaimer:
**** To those who already have this all down pat- thank you for reading. To those who may have been challenged by this- thank you for reading. My goal isn't to make you offended or preach at you. Like everything else- I struggle with it equally. I stand with those challenged because I'm guilty of messing this up. However, because it challenged me- I wanted to share it. Thank you to all who've been reading along. It's much appreciated!
(hashtag) Happiness Project
Zooey Deschanel image by: www.lewallpaper.com Edited by me. Quote by Zooey Deschanel