Family.
Ugh, funny thing that. I don't understand how a person can be "family" one day and not the next. Even with my Father, who I don't always get along with- he's always still my Dad. It's hard for me to grasp people who just suddenly don't care anymore. Who can drop people for odd reasons on a dime. I'm not built that way.
I'm a person who cares. I used to not like this about myself. I think now it's one of my best qualities. I'm a compassionate person. I think that's a good thing. Can you honestly be compassionate- if you don't care? If you're indifferent or aloof? You might look cooler but eh.
Family means you have to go through the suck together. The ugly moments and the hard parts. In the end it makes you closer and stronger as people. Eventually you learn how to get through the really rough spots. I've learned that with my parents. It took a while though.
In the end though. I realize there's nothing I can do. I can't make people care or change or grow. I can't fix the problem. So, I give up what I can't change. I have to focus on what IS good. When I lost people I cared about- new amazing people came into my life. My sister in laws, our best friends- K and J. They make our lives so much better by being in it. They have taught me so much about what family is. About giving freely and being genuine. These are the relationships I have to cultivate and focus on. Focus on the happy- not the lost.
My Mom and I went and saw Kai's grandmother Sunday. It was hard for me to go there for so many reasons and I saw her and it was felt right. This is my family. These are my people. My sister Crystal takes my kids and spoils them and we have coffee and talk for forever. These are my people. James lends me his guitar, they come over and bring dinner, Kalyn captures me for Chinese food and laughs. These are my people. My sister Cristy is getting married. I can't wait to celebrate her wedding and our daughters are so close in age, they'll grow up so close. My husband has a bucket load of sisters! They all have welcomed me, love me, talk with me, and share life with me. It's so wonderful. These are my people. My Mother is my heart, we can talk for hours and do nearly every day. My Father and I trade barbs and laugh and sing- we also fight but in the end- we're good. This is my family. My God-parents love on my children, they pour into my life. They accepted me and love me so.
This is my family. This is happiness. This is what's worth it. That's what I rest in. That's where I find the joy.
Ugh, funny thing that. I don't understand how a person can be "family" one day and not the next. Even with my Father, who I don't always get along with- he's always still my Dad. It's hard for me to grasp people who just suddenly don't care anymore. Who can drop people for odd reasons on a dime. I'm not built that way.
I'm a person who cares. I used to not like this about myself. I think now it's one of my best qualities. I'm a compassionate person. I think that's a good thing. Can you honestly be compassionate- if you don't care? If you're indifferent or aloof? You might look cooler but eh.
Family means you have to go through the suck together. The ugly moments and the hard parts. In the end it makes you closer and stronger as people. Eventually you learn how to get through the really rough spots. I've learned that with my parents. It took a while though.
In the end though. I realize there's nothing I can do. I can't make people care or change or grow. I can't fix the problem. So, I give up what I can't change. I have to focus on what IS good. When I lost people I cared about- new amazing people came into my life. My sister in laws, our best friends- K and J. They make our lives so much better by being in it. They have taught me so much about what family is. About giving freely and being genuine. These are the relationships I have to cultivate and focus on. Focus on the happy- not the lost.
My Mom and I went and saw Kai's grandmother Sunday. It was hard for me to go there for so many reasons and I saw her and it was felt right. This is my family. These are my people. My sister Crystal takes my kids and spoils them and we have coffee and talk for forever. These are my people. James lends me his guitar, they come over and bring dinner, Kalyn captures me for Chinese food and laughs. These are my people. My sister Cristy is getting married. I can't wait to celebrate her wedding and our daughters are so close in age, they'll grow up so close. My husband has a bucket load of sisters! They all have welcomed me, love me, talk with me, and share life with me. It's so wonderful. These are my people. My Mother is my heart, we can talk for hours and do nearly every day. My Father and I trade barbs and laugh and sing- we also fight but in the end- we're good. This is my family. My God-parents love on my children, they pour into my life. They accepted me and love me so.
This is my family. This is happiness. This is what's worth it. That's what I rest in. That's where I find the joy.