I have several writers in my family and my Uncle who has written and published a novel told me: "Don't worry about too much just get it all down first." and so that's what I've been doing. Taking these characters within this world and exploring their stories.
Right now my favorite is Trennan. We meet him first mid-life and he's bitter. Trennan is really special to me. When I see gay characters too often I don't see them strong, fierce, and mentoring. Perhaps I'm not reading the right literature. However, it was really important to me that Trennan is this whole person. He is utterly strong and can dispatch violence and mercy in equal measure to what the situation calls. He can heal but can also injure. He is a survivor and he's interesting.
He is mentored by two of my other favorites. H and M. H is very much like my husband and I hope I am writing him believably because my husband inspired him. H is also very strong and bad-ass but when in company of those important to him, is capable of genuine vulnerability. He coaches Trennan through complex emotion and uses wisdom and is totally unafraid of humanity. This is very like my husband, who I have seen be capable and super "masculine" but also wise and tender and incredibly empathetic to trauma.
M is sharp and strong and very independent but this doesn't change her capacity to love and be affectionate. She can task-master and headmistress while loving you and accepting you. These are the people that shape Trennan.
While I consider myself a member of the Queer community, I am married to a man and I think most people just assume I am hetero. I walk with the privilege of straight passing and being accepted wherever I go because I married a man. So, my ability to write the perspective of a persecuted gay man is limited. While in this universe, not all areas are anti-queer, some are deeply, and Trennan experiences both. These also shape him.
I can't wait for some people to read and give feedback, because I want to respect that this is a perspective I simply cannot fully grasp but am trying to do justice to. Trennan is gay but that's one part of him, he is all these other things too but all of the parts of him shape his experiences and response to this world and to the other characters within it. I think he may be my favorite. The way trauma is processed by men in this story may in parts be non-traditional. I am talking a lot with my husband about it because he inspires the some of the approach taken by the Character H.
So, my story continues and my writing continues. It's been a hard time and that has given me a lot of peace. I am trying to put my emotions to the story and utilize what I am feeling and be creative with it. For a while there I felt really blocked but things are starting to come out and the story is exciting and coming alive again.
Also, my hubs introduced me to the band Blues Saraceno and it's AMAZING!!!!! Check it out! "River" is such a fantastic song. Bahh, I'm loving everything I hear. They have been on my playlist steady.
Last note- I hate when I type a whole blog and I go to add a picture and I lose all my text before I remember to copy and paste. So I had character boards made for M and Trennan and I'm not putting them in right now because I'm sick of losing the text. Get it together Weebly. This is annoying as balls!!!
I am surprised after my long break that I'm still getting readers and I realize the blog as taken a rather different turn, though I've always been pretty random anyway. Those who are reading- I thank you from the bottom of my heart! <3