Sometimes I can brush that off. Water off a ducks back and keep going, chuckle and say "not as fat as you Dad". Other days it freaking sucks to hear that. Yeah, I gained weight having kids. I don't need it pointed out. I can have a sense of humor (heh, if only just a sense) and still, getting your flaws stuck in your face- isn't funny.
One day walking in the hallway I said to my step son "Goodness you're getting old on me!" He said "Don't say that, it hurts my feelings." (He's really awesome at feelings talk). I got right down to his eye level and said "Bud, I'm sorry. I was teasing but teasing isn't supposed to hurt feelings. I won't call you old if it hurts you. I don't want to make you feel bad. I want to make you feel loved."
I love my Dad. I don't love that he can be ass to me. I still love my Dad though. He's not a totally bad person, I just don't like the way he jokes. He doesn't get how hurtful those comments can be and despite trying to talk about that- likely never will. So, I try and just be gracious and move on. Some days I let it go better than others. What this particular part of our relationship has taught me though, is how I want to treat my children.
My kids will always be enough and my job is not to nitpick their flaws. Truly, I want them to succeed and do well. I think I can better encourage that by actually encouraging them. It's easy as people to be critical- but the last people I want to be critical of are my kids. They need me to believe in them. Even when their teens and adults not just right now.
I don't want to tease my kids and hurt them. I try to pay attention to how my words affect them even when they don't come out and say "that hurt my feelings". I need to be their safe place. Their place of encouragement, love, and acceptance. Parents are the people that begin our world. They're trypically the first place we look for love and acceptance. If we're are met with rejection that makes for all kinds of issues later. So first and formost to my children:
"You are enough. Your efforts and victories are enough. You will overcome your struggles. You are talented individuals who are beautifully made. Love yourself because I love you!"
Love Mom.