I used to talk about things more and I keep a lot in lately.
This week has been harder.
I don't give up though.
So, I'm going to exercise, I'm going to get my shit done, and I'm going to Praise God, only worry about what I have to and try to keep moving.
"Find where joy resides and give it a voice beyond singing."
Sometimes, no matter how much I wish I could fix or adjust things, I can't. Sometimes, no matter how positive I am, I still get sad. I'm reminded of something my friend Elliot tells me: I still have to allow myself to feel the things I don't want to.
I have faithfully taken my medication and it helps me cope through some of the worst, but even still, it doesn't save my brain all the time. I still feel, it doesn't take that away. Sometimes I think how much I'd like to be an unfeeling drone who just takes care of everything and everyone and only eats and sleeps a few hours a day. Super-human. Heh.
So, I have to cope when things start getting to me.
In my pick me up video it says: "If you don't like your life- change it. We all got the same 24 hours in a day, it's what you do from start to finish."
Challenge accepted: gonna go get on that.
Another little thing that helps me and it's a bit silly is "Would Emily Gilmore tolerate this crap?"
I am a fan of the Gilmore Girls and despite the fact that Emily was not a good mother, she was a strong woman. I had an Aunt that reminded me of her, maybe it was just the wealth (haha) but my Aunt Mahala was a classy broad, who took no shit, could handle a mans world, and while she was not a perfect parent, she was a warm and loving Aunt to me. She had plenty of money and she was another strong woman. So perhaps that's why I like Emily Gilmore. Since I'm on the topic, my Mother also reminds me of Emily Gilmore, my Mother is a decidedly classy lady, though more down to earth and a far better communicator. However, my Mother can throw excellent shade if you make the mistake of insulting someone she loves. She uses her piercing words sparingly and with great effect.
I have never been good at being assertive or saying "no". I'm learning though. I said no for the first time in a long time lately. I've been standing up for myself too and I try not be disrespectful, but assertive. So, enter Emily Gilmore. It can help sometimes, to try and channel someone you think has a strength you do not possess in order to accomplish something hard. After a while, you start to find you don't need to pretend any more. However, when I still struggle, I put on my Emily.
Also because it makes me happy, one of my favorite Emily Gilmore Quotes of Shade: