Let me be good at this.
To K and J:
BOYS:
When you find your first love in highschool-
don't make her a babymama.
When you're offered drugs- remember those who've gone before you- who SO did NOT turn out "okay".
When you get your first heartbreak-remember that it
passes. When you really screw up- remember that I'm
here. When you're feeling peer pressure- don't be an ass, a bully, or a
jerk. Popularity comes with such a price and most often it's not worth
it.
When you're feeling alone- you aren't. You are so loved and
life always changes. No feeling is forever.
When you want a tattoo- remember we love ours but forever is a long time- NO NAMES or something you'll regret. Don't be drunk.
When you screw up again- yes, you'll always be forgiven, yes you'll face consequences, yes, I will be there for you (even if it means not enabling you).
When you want to go and party- don't put yourself in situations that affect the rest of your forever.
When you want to blow off school- that also affects the rest of
your life. It's actually important.
When you really really like her: school first. There will always be girls and if she REALLY is THE ONE= it will happen after high school i PROMISE.
Remember you win people over more with kindness. A genuine smile is worth ten cocky grins. BE CLEAN!!! Shower- daily- AND AFTER GYM. Do not marinade in body spray. Integirty and humility are always "in" Remember that I love you, that we love you. That this will never ever change. That you can't do anything that would stop my love
for you, you can really really piss me off, but that doesn't affect my love for you. Remember always, what it means to be human. That is the biggest lesson ever. Not the imperfection of humanity but the beauty and rawness of humanity.
Have empathy but don't ever back down.
Love- me
As if getting married isn't enough of a step- marriage for me came with all kinds of "steps". "Step up" to be a "step-mom" to my "step-son". I was so in love with this little boy, I didn't quite get to be terrified right at the beginning. The terror sunk in later.
Terror at "Will I be good at this?" "Am I even qualified or ready for this?" "What if I can't give my kids enough because I'm not ready?". Loads of self-doubt. I was cured of this quickly, because once life really hits, you don't have a lot of time for self doubt. You just have to be there.
No parent is the perfect parent, however no parent should use that excuse to be less than all they can be. Nothing I have ever done has been this hard, it's daily challenging, That's not because it's bad, it's because that's life. I've learned a few more things as parent. J will be one at the end of this week. My first official year as a mom. Crazy.
I had no clue what parenthood would feel like or be like. Then suddendly I had a full family. At 20, I suddendly had to become this "grown up". What do you mean "Grown up?" I'm not one of those... Parenthood doesn't work as well if you don't "grow up".
I could go on and on about how my children have changed me. They really have, I care much less about my appearance, I care more about who I am, I want to be the mom that I had. Someone worth respect. These two little boys have taught me that.
K- is a fantastic child. He loves to learn and play- loudly! He wants to be a part of everything and tell us everything about it. He adores his brother and is so proud to have him. He's continued to grow and learn and impresses me continually. He's kind, polite, funny, and loving. Every time I wake up and see him it's "GOOD MORNING i LOVE YOU". I kid you not. He is my song maker upper, my monster killer, my superhero, my masterchef, and so much more. I have shelves full of his artwork. He is this creative little magic man.
j- is growing too fast for his mommy. He's go so much personality now. He's LOUD! Everything is loud! As he's slowly learning to walk but still needs to hang onto mommy, I'm not wanting to let go of that little hand. The moment he was in the world all I could say over and over was "That's my baby. That's my baby." Stunned that he was actually there. He follows his big brother everywhere now that he's crawling and mobile. He absorbs everything. My once silent watcher has found his voice and he is bubbly! He has the most mischevious grin!
I while I enter each new stage with them kicking and screaming for more time. I am so excited for how they will grow and change and become men. I will say that I'm trying to savor the moments as they come and cherish every new thing that arrives.
If I am good at nothing else in life, I hope I am good "at" being a mom. If I accomplish nothing else in my life, happy, successful, wonderful children who lived the best possible, then that will be enough. I do have dreams for just myself but the first and foremost thing is that I am the best for my kids. I will mess up, I'm going to get things wrong and probably be far too hard on myself. I hope to always learn from my mistakes.
~Live Enchanted~