Step 1:
Drive to store.
Run across cookie mix.
Inform child that they will have dinner as soon as you are done at the store.
Hear toddler fussing loudly and quickly (and without thinking that's important) grab packet of sugar cookie mix.
Pay and exit store quickly.
Recall you did not purchase frosting. Irritated Toddler says "Like you think we're going back in there?" in baby-squeel.
Decide you'll be making frosting.
Step 2.
Leave for cookie time.
Run back in house for food coloring for homemade frosting.
You've arrived at time and place to make cookies.
Greet family and unload.
Tell children: "You need to stay out of the kitchen right now."
Chat with family and grab a bowl and mix ingredients.
(See package, usually butter, eggs, water).
Notice in fridge that mother has made homemade dough- realize your children won't love you as much as they could, but concede that your mix is going to have to do.
Get teary eyed looking at the Cookie cutters you used with your Grandma.
Feel excited to use them with the kids.
Tell Children: "I told you to stay out of the kitchen."
Step 3
Notice you have margarine not butter.
Half-assedly glob margarine into 1/2 dry measuring cup.
Add egg.
Add a little water- say about the 1 teaspoon it requires.
Mix with electric mixer.
Worry about consistency and add more water.
Repeat. Twice.
Tell Children: "You need to stay out of the kitchen right now. You'll get a turn."
Ask Mother why dough looks funny.
Mother mixes further with electric mixer.
Notice dough is very sticky. Notice this will not roll out.
Determine this will hamper planned nostalgia with child.
Mother determines more flour must be added.
Tell Children: "No, stay out of there. Be careful of your brother. No, I told you to stay out of the kitchen."
Get Children snack.
Add indeterminable amount of flour.
Mix.
Dough is now thicker- and still sticky.
Forgo planned nostalgia.
Remember mom's (untouchable) home-made dough. Kick yourself.
Step 4.
K will decorate the "face" of the cookies.
Locate cookie sheet. Hunt around for cooking spray.
In a hurry spoon far too large portions of dough onto cookie sheet.
Are completely lost regarding the principle of heat expansion.
Tell Children: "That oven is hot, you stay out of the kitchen, you're time will come. Go!"
Think, "huh" that was supposed to make 2 dozen. I didn't even get one."
Pop cookies into oven at 350 degrees.
Step 5.
Monitor cookie progress in over.
Take a lesson in heat expansion.
Tell Children: "I'm serious you guys, stay out of the kitchen."
Decide your cookies are whimsical.
Remember you did not purchase frosting.
Step 6.
Children hear frosting and come running.
Remind them to stay out of the kitchen.
"Add a little powdered sugar and some milk. Mix it together. Make it thin but not milk thin."
Scoop indeterminable amount of powdered sugar and add a bit of milk. Mix.
Readjust MANY times until desired consistency is reached. Add food coloring.
Remember that there are cookies in the oven.
Recall the heat expansion thing.
Try not to let Mother see.
Realize that's inevitable.
Tell Children: "Go play and get out of the kitchen. Where is your Dad?"
Step 7.
Let them cool.
Get Children another snack and ask they stay out of the kitchen.
Go sit next to husband and feel a brief moment of peace.
Children immediately begin crying.
Step 8.
Tell Children: "Come on, I thought you wanted to be in the kitchen?"
Have K wash hands.
Pull up chair and show him how to finger paint the frosting on the cookies.
Paint one yourself.
Hear: Can I eat one now, several times.
Snap a few quick pictures for social media.
Allow kids to eat ONE cookie.
Clean up everything! (including trail of chips left by cranky sick toddler).
Load up all the stuff.
Drive home.
Collapse.
Everyone naps, because sometimes you win.
Does your holiday ever happen like this? Usually I'm a better baker but not on 3 hours of sleep. :)
We had a great time. The cookies didn't taste too bad.
The neat thing about the frosting is it works like water colors,
it will be cool for a different "painting" activity in the future I'm sure.